Shekinah Glory

A New Prayer of Self Pity
December 5, 2010, 1:27 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Holy One,

A bitter taste remains in my mouth,
I feel rejected and mistreated.
I know that self pity leads nowhere
yet I want to carry it to term.
I want everyone to share my misery,
to share in this pain.
Not above taking emotional hostages
It seems that I spit scorn everywhere,
conflict my only protection.
Other’s enjoyment makes me sick
so I will destroy it, conquer it
or argue against its validation.
If you indeed care for my hair
more than my happiness
do not bother to style it fashionable.
How long can I stay content watching
flowers and birds faring
much better than I?
If I did not think you could respond
I would not bother to talk
to what often seems like thin air.
Carry these words farther
than the cry from my breath
and return them to me changed.
Help me in turning from these feelings
to humility and kindness once again.


7 Comments so far
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Oh, Brian, I grieve for you. I’ve been working at “Reclaiming My Joy” and it’s painful to me that you are suffering.

Lord, in your mercy, hear our prayer for our brother, Brian. Remove his distress, and bring him once again to the joy of your presence. Amen.

Comment by abbiewatters

Thank you for the caring response.

Comment by pastorofdisaster

Do I suck if I admit that I’m oddly grateful for your pain, because it produces some great art and helps me grapple with my own.

I rent a parcel in Selfpityville. I go there a lot. I respect your guts for sharing it and wrestling with it. Thanks dude.

Comment by Mick Bradley

Yeah, I know what you mean. I just don’t want to get too maudlin with my “issues” πŸ˜‰

Comment by pastorofdisaster

Which is why sharing it is gutsy – people will call you on it. Then you get to decide if they’re Internet asshats or trustworthy fellow-travelers, and proceed accordingly. πŸ™‚

Comment by Mick Bradley

Brian –

My brother, this is anguished beauty. Thank you for putting it out there…from the sting & seer of anger, to the aching for hope, kindness, humility… Aching with you.


Comment by Stephanie Shepherd

What a nice comment. I really appreciate it Stephanie.

Comment by pastorofdisaster

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