Shekinah Glory


New Poem About Wonder (rough draft)
January 15, 2011, 2:34 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

What quarter of wonder
is merely raw fear?
A tremor of awe
in recognition
of the thunder
and then the flash.
Knowing it holds
all things inconsequential,
it has no cares
for melancholy songs
or young love’s pining.
Yet, it flexes
its amoral power
across the breadth
of the heavenly hosts.
Ample time
will be reserved
for calculations
and scientific thought
helping to regain
our footing as
center of the universe.
Still, in that moment
it is fully human
to stop one’s breath
and wonder
at the folly
of one’s importance
and paralyze thoughts
of our eternity.

Advertisements

8 Comments so far
Leave a comment

You say, “Rough Draft”. Do you want suggestions? or would you prefer to finish it alone?

Comment by abbiewatters

Suggestions are always welcome. This is a pretty rough draft.

Comment by pastorofdisaster

8th line: either “all things inconsequential” or move “all” up to the line above.

16th line: maybe “ample time” instead of “plenty of time”

21st and 22nd line: I don’t know what you mean. Because it’s so cryptic, it’s jarring and destroys the flow.

Other than that, it’s wonderful.

Comment by abbiewatters

I worked on your edits. Thanks.

Comment by pastorofdisaster

Maybe
“helping to regain
our footing as
center of the universe”
instead of
“helping to regain
a our footing
of being central.”

Comment by abbiewatters

Thanks.

Comment by pastorofdisaster

Could I send you a bunch of poetry for editing?

Comment by pastorofdisaster

I hope this was revisited, because I think it verges on “first thought, best thought” territory. The only thing I would do is to perhaps alter it so that it could not be spoken as a series of complete sentences. This is also my tendency with un-rhymed verse – to end up with what are a few beautiful sentences with odd breaks in them. Sometimes I go with structure on the page giving them a different shape, sometimes with just fragmenting the clauses, something like that. Vague and maybe not helpful, but I really liked this one. It captured what I associate with ‘satori’ in the Zen tradition.

Comment by Doug




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s



%d bloggers like this: